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WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

The 40-year-old Bronx native’s last release was under his own label last June, so it’s safe to say we can expect more material from the rapper in the near future with this new deal in place.

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

LOS ANGELES—In a stunning development that sent shockwaves through the gaming community, Nintendo announced during their Electronic Entertainment Expo presentation Tuesday that Donkey Kong will be left off the upcoming edition of Super Smash Bros. NASHVILLE, TN—Timidly approaching members of the Pittsburgh Penguins as they celebrated their championship victory over the Nashville Predators, referee Dan O’Halloran quietly asked several players if he could have a go at hoisting the Stanley Cup, sources confirmed Sunday night.

CLEVELAND—In an effort to reverse the momentum of an NBA Finals so far dominated by the Golden State Warriors, Cleveland Cavaliers small forward Le Bron James reportedly danced naked Wednesday inside a pentagram of black candles in a new pregame satanic ritual before Game 3.

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